The reality of this world

" Second chances are hard to come by...even if you are working hard to be a changed man. This is the reality of this cruel, pathetic and realistic world"

That was what i posted on Facebook. It is the voice of my heart. There are NO second chances..or thirds...or fourths..

Once you've wronged, forever you will be prosecuted. This is the truth that i've learnt today. Its ALWAYS too LATE. Always.

Why am i being so emo you might ask. The thing is, this is the fact. When was the last time you gave another chance to another person? That person might have received your so called chances many many times in the past. But i do believe that you will see if they are really working hard to be that changed person.

Tonight, i'm gonna rant about relationship. I might be a bit drunk but the pain and hurt in my heart rings true. Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, there was a man who lost everything when his wife left him. He figured that he is at fault because he thought of providing the family with enough money so that he will be the only one working and the rest is having a wonderful, carefree life.

But the right thoughts mixed with the wrong methods killed the intention. He ignored his wife's need. All she ever wanted was FAMILY LIFE. Not a boy trying to be a businessman. Nor a life filled with money to spend without her man.

During the first 2 years of separation, this man wasted all his fortunes drowning his anguish in liquors. When he finally came to, he decided to live a life totally on his own. Not believing in the word "love" any more.

Fast forward 6 years, he finally met someone who hijacked his breathe away. Someone he didn't even know. Turns out that this "someone" was someone he SHOULD have met somewhere in his life.

So they got together somehow and to the man, it was a prayer that was answered. 8 months down the road, they are facing the common issue where ALL couples face. The "bad times" period.

The man yet once again failed to heed advice from his lady due to his weakness. And by weakness, i mean his inability to cope to stress and pressure. And they had a quarrel. What he did was, he ran away from problems. Again.

Finally, his lady decided to just let him do anything he wants to. Not caring at all for what he does. Not. At. All.

This time, the man actually listen to himself. And he decided to be a changed man. All for her and the betterment of his own life. Well, mostly its about her. It took a lot of deal for him to admit his fault and he tried to make up with her again.

But it was different this time. She really meant what she decided. For the next 7 days, all he ever get to hug or kiss her is while she was asleep. Even when they held hands, she didn't clasp her hand onto his. Words that she said was filled with hidden messages. All the i-love-you's and the i-miss-you's was only replied with a simple nod. No loving words of affections was spoken from her. Nothing.

It hurt him a great deal. He persevered. He swallowed his pride and his ego down. All because he truly love her.

They went for a movie. It was quite a good and funny show. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. But he felt like crying. All the couples in the cinema sat close to each other while only he sat close while his lady sat straight. While in the car, she'd look out the window, away from him. This is the usual scenario for that 5 days.

Many times before he tried to let her know that he is truly sorry and he is working to achieve being that man that she wants him to be but to no avail. Like usual, only simple nods. No other words of affections.

To this man, he needs motivations, encouragements from one he truly cares about. He knows that it is too late. But didn't someone said better late than never?

At the end of this story is this, they had another quarrel after movie night. He told her that he needs another chance but she keeps saying that she already gave him many many chances in the past. Yet, he is still the same. And that she needs time. Whenever he tries to reason with her, she'd keep his wrongdoings in the past coming right up in his face.

Yes. This man is me. I can't find any other way to tell her, to convince her that i am working real hard to change. But why do i get this feeling that i am worse than her cheating ex? i am not comparing. Its just a feeling that i get.

Am i not to have the freedom of telling her what i feel? I don't know. All i know now is a miracle to save this relationship. It doesn't matter what methods she is using to either make me work harder or just to make me let her go. I don't want to know. I just want to love her.

Baby, if you are reading this. I want you to know that i love you so much that I'd do anything just to be with you. Please baby, forgive me.

At this moment, I'd like to end this drunken rant with this song...




Love my baby forever,
JL