A Christ-mas poem

You mold me and carved me into what i am
You loved and cared for me like a Shepard to a lamb
I may have ran away thinking i won't be lost
But still, You gladly gave Your life on the cross

Through all the ups and downs, i thought i was alone
Cheered in the good times and in bad i moaned
Never have i thought that You were here with me
Upon on Your shoulders, You have always carried me

On this day every year, we eat drink and be merry
for what, i suppose, do You exist in our memory?
This poem i wrote is for everyone especially You
Happy birthday, Jesus...and Merry Christmas to You!!!

-Joshua Lui-

When things goes wrong...

"When things goes wrong, it will definately go wrong" - Murphy's Law

How true is that for me now. I know its been some time since i last wrote anything here. But it seems that only whenever i'm hanging out waiting for either interviews or my girl, i'd find time to think and post.

This time is no exception.

First of all, i found that all that i ever stand for is not what i really am. I used to think that music is my life. But being the jack of all trades and master of none sort of person that i am, it is working against me. I'm losing my grooves and touches. To a point where i think i've disappointed some a lot of people playing with me. I've no excuse.

And i confirmed that i am the sort of person that could not handle stresses and pressures. I tend to run away from my problems. I'd delay it rather than to face it head on. I'm a coward and i've no excuse.

And boy, am i a good procrastinator! I remembered a one of my earliest post was about procrastination and yet again i'm doing it all the time, unknowingly.

And that person-whose-name-is-not-worth-mentioning-at-all wants to take my precious away to another country! WTF?!

Then, i wanted to earn lots of money to make my girl's (and mine) life comfortable but yet again i did it with the wrong methods. I was so caught up in getting that particular job that i think i made her disappointed. I guess i just did not realise that in time.

What's timing gotta do with this? Nothing. Just that it all fell in the wrong time. Its all about timing. Bad times bad equals worst.

I was blind. i didn't see that she's been patient and considerate to me. I know it ain't about the money. Its all about the feeling of security. I've failed in the past eight and a half months i'm with her. Sure we had good times. Times when we laughed, times when we just wanted to be alone together, times when things are rough, how we held on to each other going thru that time.....i just wish this is one of those times where our love triumph over it!

Things was going so bad for me last night on the way to work in Teluk Intan with Paul that i struggled to keep my tears from free flowing.

I thought to myself, "the devil is working against me...i will NOT play his games and i will keep believing in the Lord will provide me..".

Not a minute passed, the call that i've been waiting for came. They asked me to go for that second interview! Praise the Lord! In all things bad, my Man-Jesus Christ never fails to protect me! Then i thought of a Juwita song...

"Cos only in the dark that i can seem to see..."

How many times have i sat in this roller coaster of life? I'm not afraid of dying but i yearned to live. I'm breathing now but i am dead. I am strong yet so weak.

Why is it i cannot be that someone who can protect, provide and gives security to those that i love? Why is it that i get blinded so easily? Why? Why?? Why???!!

i know it is useless to vent my anger here. I know it is useless to say anything now. Only the end can justify the mean. The damage's been done. All i can do is damage control and pray that all i wanted is within the Lord's Plan.

Someone told me that everybody's life story has been written. It is only which chapter you're in. And that i shouldn't worry too much about it. But i had to admit i couldn't stop thinking about it.

I'm way too much in love with her to let her go. She is the reason that made me wanna be a better man. I know i've screwed up, I've f!@#$%d up my life. All i want now is make things right again....with her by my side.

Sunday School People?

I've been "accepted" into a band. LOL!!! This is surprising, innit?

So this is the story. I went to loaf around Jaya One on Friday, 1st Oct, just to try to arrange interviews and to look for buddies who might be able to help me get a job or stuff. So as i was sitting around, chatting with James, Mak and my girlfriend waiting for Ah Boy to come join us.

Then dunno how we came across talking about music and bands (what else is new?). Ah Boy was asking if i am interested and available to play bass for a charity event. Immediately i jumped at the chance as i always wanted to be in a band. And he sent and email to Sara about our bios.

The next thing i knew, i'm in the band which tentatively being called "The Sunday School People". LOL!!! Well, till we get to think of a cooler name, this will be our band name.

To think that its been so many years since I've played in a band. Further more, God's band. Yes, i am really looking forward to this event. Not because Sara is gonna get us a paid gig or whatever...its because i always wanted to serve God musically.

Hopefully this is the right timing from God. I might be facing or gonna face some difficult time living out there from my comfort zone but i do believe He will take care of me. Like always.

Love,
JL