What a day for nostalgia. I was cleaning up my room and i stumbled upon some very very old photos. Those taken 10 years ago. When days were sweet and nights were warm.
The first photo i saw was a picture of me doing a silly pose which we call the "Whoo!" pose. Those with me then will remember. I was "whoo"-ing in the middle of my college hostel room. Sitting on my roommate's bed was her. Both of us looked so happy. Laughters that were genuine. This post will be the hardest yet for me. For me to dig up lost memories from the past. As i'm posting this, i can feel my tears and i'm fighting to keep them in. Its still raining outside.
Maybe i can't forget my past. Forgotten but never disappear. Today i choose to breakdown and cry alone in my bedroom. Photos strewn on the floor. Tears that i thought were all used up, once again rolled down my cheek. I reassured myself that i was overjoyed of that memory until i surprised myself when i said this looking at our photosnap, "i still love you".
What a hypocrite i am. I keep telling my friends that they must let go to be free but yet on this rainy Monday night, i find that i am still bound to that promise of eternity. Is this the last real relationship that i will ever get myself into? Why am i not free? I want to break free.
Some say that if i hold on long enough, that THE ONE will eventually come. Yes, i agree. But that THE ONE has already left me a scar that time can't heal. Being THE ONE and hurting you will never heal. It can never heal. You can hide but you can't heal. That's the reality. I'm sorry to all the people that i "conceitedly" deceived that i am free. I guess i just found out that i'm not.
"You are what i want. You are what i am. Yet you leave me when i know i love you more than i could ever have. I know there will never be another you. Or another us. But i wanna thank you for the love you have given me and our dream. CASTLE IN THE SKY. I guess that castle will forever be lost in that dream. Never to be spoken again. I'm sorry that things turns out this way. How did we lost our way? I can't answer you that and neither can you. I guess that is one question that is worth a lifetime. But i guess i'm still in love with the old you. The one that is lost forever enroute to our castle. I hope this time i could really bid the old you farewell. Farewell."
Some old photos and a rainy night sure beats the energy out of ya...
still bound to PROMISES OF ETERNITY,
JL
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